fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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