I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
