did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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