quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
