i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
