Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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