I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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