he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
where are my eyebrows?
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