no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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