Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
