i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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