Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
its liver damage thursday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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