My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
