just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Randomize
