Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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