i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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