i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
