Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
