Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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