By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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