I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
