he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
false alarm, still single
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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