If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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