The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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