32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
