Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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