Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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