No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's just like the Real World with babies
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
