So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
