This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
smell my finger.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
