My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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