Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
