apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
