I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
