Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
