yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just want to make out with him forever
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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