So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
