o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
