this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
