it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
