You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Green mimosas i think yes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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