Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
