lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
