no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
