you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
