I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
