NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
