I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
