dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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