grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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