So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
