I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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