So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
