Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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