why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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