Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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