somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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