tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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