you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
